Heavensfield

One of the barriers that keeps domestic abuse survivors stuck in abusive relationships is the perceived belief that they will be unable to provide for their themselves and their children if their partners leave. For mothers who are underemployed, or are perhaps stay-at-home moms, the notion of providing for a growing family can be daunting.

In 1999, I was faced with providing for a large family during a recessionary job market. With only a GED education and an outdated resume in the IT field in Seattle, I faced an uphill battle to survive, let alone thrive after my relationship ended. However, as a fellow domestic abuse survivor, I can assure you that there are countless ways to shore up the earnings gap and get you back on the road to improved self-sufficiency.

Here are a few tips I utilized to finish my education and get back on my feet when my partner left:

• Maintain a sense of hope ~ Although it can seem overwhelming (and it often truly is), you will get through this, and life will get much better than it is right now. What seems to set survivors apart from victims is the attitude that you "can" and will find a way to thrive and survive on your own. Hold onto that hope. Guard it if you will. Avoid naysayers, and people who are negative about your dreams.
• Embrace your creative side ~ Don't overlook any lead no matter how slim. To keep costs down and survive, it's important to research and uncover resources wherever they may be found. I recall taking FEMA classes online just to save on tuition costs (they were 1/2 the cost of regular tuition fees AND they met general education requirements.)
• Search for any and all scholarships and funding sources ~ Sign up for a Fastweb account and hunt down opportunities. One organization that specializes in helping DV survivors is the Sunshine Lady Foundation. They were literal lifesavers to me and my family when I felt the task ahead was hopeless. If you are underemployed, talk to your employer about opportunities to fund your education. When times are tough, it may necessitate much more hunting. Doors will open for you, and resources will be found. It's just going to take extra time and energy.
• Network. Network. Network ~ Talk to people, find out what they are doing to bring in money, and find a way to bring in income while you are pursuing your higher educational goals. Make your own job if there isn't one to be found. Team with a coach or mentor to brainstorm with and bounce ideas off of. Again, this will require creativity and perseverance.
• Lastly, NEVER GIVE UP ~ The days may be long, and the nights even longer, but time passes and one day you discover you did it. Put one step in front of the other, cry a little, mourn a lot, and get back up and do it the next day.

You'll survive, and one day you'll thrive again.

If you have any doubts, please contact me for a pep talk. I rejoice whenever I'm asked to cheer on a fellow survivor in need of some encouragement and hope.  There were plenty of folks who did it for me. Join me in paying it forward.